A Real-Life Spam Alert: Why Cold Messaging Hurts Your Business (and What to Do Instead)
Hi friend! Welcome back to the Passports, Profits and Pixie Dust Podcast blog. I’m Lindsay Dollinger—high school Spanish teacher, dog mom, world traveler, and coach for women building direct sales and social selling businesses the right way.
Today’s story?
A Pamela alert. 👀
Yep… we’re talking about a real situation that happened in my inbox recently, and it’s something every social seller needs to hear.
Because this one message perfectly illustrates what not to do in your business—and how these behaviors are holding our entire industry back.
Let’s dive in.
Listen in here:
The Message That Inspired This Entire Episode
Like you, I get friend requests from social sellers pretty much every single day. Usually I vet them, check their profiles, see what we have in common, and accept.
So last week, I accepted a friend request from a woman whose profile was covered in her company branding—
“Works at: [Company Name]”
“Independent rep for XYZ”
…you know the type.
👉 Quick sidebar tip:
If your Facebook profile says “Works at [Company Name],” it makes it look like you’re an employee of that company, not an independent business owner.
A better option is “Independent stylist/consultant with XYZ.”
Okay—back to the story.
Within ONE minute of accepting her friend request—literally less than 60 seconds—I got this message:
“Hi! Can you support my daughter by buying [product] from her new business?”
A product I:
- don’t use
- would never use
- do not need
- and honestly had zero connection to
AND it wasn’t even the same company this woman had listed in her profile.
It was a totally different business.
There was no “hello.”
No introduction.
No conversation.
No relationship.
Just a cold pitch… asking me to buy something for someone I don’t know.
Then Came the Follow-Up Message… 😬
I ignored the first message because it was early, and frankly, I wasn’t feeling well. I figured she’d just move along.
Nope.
A few days later, I got another message:
“Are you going to support my daughter and buy [product]?”
That was it.
No context.
No conversation.
Just… pressure.
So I finally responded—kindly, but honestly.
I explained:
- I don’t know her or her daughter
- If she had taken time to get to know me, she’d know I don’t use that product
- Cold messaging isn’t the way I do business
- I teach relationship-based selling
- I have a free podcast and community she’s welcome to join
And her reply?
Snark.
Something along the lines of:
“Wow. Way to not help my daughter who has social anxiety with her business.”
Nope.
No, ma’am.
Not today.
I blocked her and moved on.
Let’s Break Down Why This Was a Problem
This experience is a perfect example of what not to do in social selling.
❌ 1. Cold messaging strangers asking for money
No relationship.
No conversation.
No connection.
This isn’t selling—it’s spamming.
❌ 2. Leading with a guilt trip
Trying to shame someone into buying is manipulative and unprofessional.
❌ 3. Relying on personal emergencies to create sales
Someone’s anxiety, hardship, or personal situation is not leverage for your business.
❌ 4. Zero understanding of your prospect
If she’d taken 30 seconds to look at my page, she’d know:
- what I teach
- what I buy
- what I value
- and what I definitely don’t buy
❌ 5. Reflecting poorly on the entire industry
This is why direct sellers get a bad reputation.
It’s why people roll their eyes when a new rep messages them.
It’s why the stigma still exists.
And this is exactly why I teach what I teach.
So… What SHOULD We Be Doing Instead?
Direct sales done the right way looks like this:
✔️ Build relationships first.
People buy from who they:
- trust
- like
- feel connected to
Not from strangers sending copy/paste messages.
✔️ Get to know your audience.
Learn:
- what they need
- what they’ve tried
- what they value
- what their struggles are
✔️ Provide value before you ever pitch.
Teach.
Help.
Encourage.
Entertain.
Inspire.
Then and only then can you make aligned recommendations.
✔️ Allow people to say no without guilt.
Whether it’s:
- a stranger
- a friend
- or even family
No one owes you a purchase.
Ever.
✔️ Grow your business by finding “your people.”
You don’t need everyone.
You need the right ones.
And the right ones never need to be pressured, guilted, or cornered into a sale.
Here’s the Truth…
Messages like the one I received aren’t just annoying.
They’re harmful.
They:
- Push people away
- Make our profession look bad
- Hurt trust
- Reduce credibility
- Repel customers
- Slow down the people doing it right
And honestly?
They hold YOU back.
Because real success in direct sales comes from:
✨ relationships
✨ connection
✨ value
✨ community
✨ attraction
✨ authenticity
Not spam.
Not begging.
Not guilt.
Let’s Raise the Standard Together
I’m committed to helping evolve this industry and teaching women how to build REAL businesses—
not spam machines.
And you can be part of that shift.
Today, go send:
- a genuine compliment
- a real “how are you?”
- a voice message
- a story reaction
- a value-based post
- a connection message
No pitches.
No pressure.
Just being a good human.
THAT is what grows a social selling business.
Want More Coaching on How to Do Social Selling the Right Way?
✨ Listen to The Passports, Profits and Pixie Dust Podcast
✨ Join my free Facebook community here
✨ Check out my Social Sales Studio for ongoing support
✨ Grab the Six Figure Social Selling Planner
✨ Or send me a message! I’m always here to help you do this the right way.
Go be relational—not spammy.
And have an amazing day, friend. 💛